Fading Waves

Now I understand what the most difficult thing is… Do you know what’s the most difficult? The most difficult thing is returning home.

Returning to your life, continuing as if nothing happened. As if the feelings never existed—as if they belonged to different worlds. Never to see. Never to hear. That’s the most difficult thing.

To return to the mundane, to return to the silence—to this.
Wondering when you’ll ever see her again, when you’ll touch, when you’ll return… if ever?
Wondering if she’s also wondering… if at all?

Were you just a moment, a fleeting thought? Or have you left something more behind, lingering in the corners of her mind?

The most difficult thing is not being there.
Not seeing that smile.
Not feeling the weight of her gaze with those bright, searching eyes that seem to look past the mask, seeing you as you are.

That’s what’s difficult about today. Unbearable thoughts. The first day. The first step into the unknown. Unsure where you stand, unsure where to go. Now held apart by mountains, by fate, by everything that once was. Now expected to continue as if it never was.

No, right? No, she does not think of you. That’s what’s most difficult. The unknowing. The silence. A remnant of a dream from the past. A leftover thought from another day. Forgotten.

Now then, what must I do? What can I do? How do I bury these feelings? How do I lock them away? How do I fill the hollow space left behind?

I do not know.

Strange how it finds you. Unexpected. Unimaginable. Undeniable. Coincidence after coincidence? No. Something more, perhaps. A force greater than that. Greater than chance. Weaving the story of yet to be told. Fate, binding our stories—only to pull them apart. Strange how it all unfolded, grew uncontrollably. Now, it’s over. And now, I do not know.

So tell me, what is the most difficult thing for you?

The most difficult thing is…returning home, uncertain of the future.
Separated.
Unknowing of what was once shared, now lost.
Clueless if it will ever happen again.
Clueless if I’ll ever see those bright eyes—staring past my mask, the way I was meant to be seen.

That’s what’s difficult for me.

Today.

24/24.